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[Riadansen]

Chapter 1:

"Unholy Confessions"

It's raining harhsly and a full moon is beckoned at the eyes of Ragron, a soldier who saved the lives of others and maybe his own. He has walking quietly that night, as knowing of the long road he needed to take to get back home, nor he wouldn't be able to, because of the harsh rain, so he quickly rushed himself as much as he could and unexpectably arrived at a gate.

"man... i'm starting to get tired... hehe... if I don't get something to drink soon, I don't know if i'm gonna make it tonight".

Ragron noticed the gate and wonder who could live in such a desolated location. As he approached the gate, he began to wonder if the place was even deserted.

"Who could live in a place such as this? I mean, I've heard of mansions, but this is just ridiculous... he said while approaching the door to enter the building.

As he slowly turned the knob to open the door, he felt, like the breath of a demon, behind him, waiting for him to left his guard down, so at the right moment, he could strike and take his life. He entered and noticed the place was in tip top shape.

"W-wow... this place is amazing... but how can a place look so scary from the outside but look so amazing from the inside? Makes me wonder if this is all a dream..." as he walked the path along a carpet that was previously cleaned.
He decided to explore the entire mansion to ensure if someone was there, so he started with the upper rooms. He crepted into the kitchen, library, living room and master room and found nothing...

"This is starting to get strange, how can a mansion have all this and no owner... maybe he died... moved out... just what happened..." he said while looking at all places to see if he could see someone.

Going back to the foyer, he quickly heard something and suddenly drew his blade 'The Sparkprism", as if he was going to attack. Unaware of knowing what that sound was or where it came from, he let the blade in his hand and climbed down the stairs going to a room where he heard some funeral music.

"?! Sounds sad... so is someone really here?", as he approched the door.

When he opened the door, he saw no one was there, as if a ghost was the one playing, as if a soul was still wandering by... After thinking of the possibilities, he approached the piano, the source of music, and checked it. The music sheet was entitled "Bloody Tears". He began reading the sheet and saw that the keys led to more and more sad tunes, he quickly thought of his parents and who could have wrote them. A slight wind entered the room and two pictures fell out of the music sheet.

"What could this be? A man, A woman and their child... and the other one, the child hugging his mother while saying goodbye... how sad...",he said as tears fell from his face, as it reminded him of the bandits who kill his mother and father.

A dim light entered the room, and it pointed to a desk nearby... in the desk, a book, opened with a pen next to it. Ragron quickly walked over to the desk where he saw the book, only to find out it was actually a journal, and that it was previously written... The journal said as follows:

-Month: January
-Day: 27
-Year: 1890

"I have prayed for you mother, remembering the day of when you were next to me. Your love was something no one could have understand. You gave me so much, even if it was only little time that we spent together in my childhood... It has been 300 years since your death, I can't stop forgetting about that day the villagers killed you, because you were in love with Father... he knew that of all the woman you were the only one who truly loved him, and did anything to be at his side... And I am sorry for this, cause...I killed him in order to stop his upcoming threats in Transylvannia. Father's last words were: What were Lisa's last words" and that he'd still loved you, even after he became obsessed with power... By now, you have found peace with him in heaven... I'm sure, god spared him not sending him to hell, he knows he dedicated his life to plots that weren't what we expect, but every man can have a change of heart, you should know, cause you changed his heart... Alas, I leave you now, I won't stop thinking in you mother... By now, the day will forever stay still as long as I keep thinking in you... "

Take care mother,
Adrian Farenheit Tepes

As Ragron read this, he knew heard the song play again, but this time, since he was in the room, he heard it clearly, and he saw someone playing in the room.

"Excuse me, are you perhaps Adrian?" he asked while holding the journal in his hand.

"Yes I am", the man with beautiful, long white hair answered, as he stopped playing. "Who might you be?"Adrian asked while looking at Ragron.

"My name is Ragron, I come from a far land, it was raining harshly, so I decided to stay in here so I could get some rest and travel back home tomorrow..." said Ragron at Adrian as he looked surprised by the man.

"Indeed you may stay, be my guest, you must be tired from all that trip, how 'bout we chat for a bit while you make yourself more at home?" said Adrian with a smiling face.

"Why thanks Adrian, I will!" replied Ragron.

Please, call me Alucard, it's a pleasure to meet you" said Adrian back at Ragron.

As the two chatted a bit, Alucard explained they were actually in Transylvannia, not far from where Ragron's village was, and that he was the son of Dracula, the man he had to kill with his own hands.

"So Alucard, why did you make the name Alucard? I just noticed it spells Dracula, but backwards", said Ragron with a confused face.

"Oh, since my father, changed his way and i had to stop him, I decided to oppose him and used this name as a reference that I was opposing him, in a time of rebellion if one might say" said as he looked outside, trying to forget that Ragron even asked him that question.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it made you remember something so big from over 300 years... Is there anyway I can cheer ya up?" said Ragron while looking at Alucard with a sad face.

"It's alright lad, but out of curiosity, what is that strange sword you carry?" said Alucard while looking at Ragron's sword.

Ragron draws his sword and says "This is the Sparkprism, it's the only thing I have to remember by of my father and mother, like a heirloom if I must say, it's what has kept me alive last year, whenever I felt scared, I thought I wasn't alone, that they were still there next to me...", said Ragron as he sheathed back to it's scarbed.

"You know, it's like my family sword, it always reminded me of them, and i'm fourtionet to always remember them by... well it's getting late... why don't you sleep? We can leave tomorrow in the morning" said Alucard while yawning of exhastion.

[Fire Blazer]

It's a nice story and has good vocabulary but there are a ton of general things that could be improved. If you'd like me to I could go through them with you.

[Riadansen]

[Tino]

The general layout of the story is not the way it's supposed to be. Every time another person starts talking, you add an empty line and continue there. Every time sone stops talking, you add an empty line and continue there.

So instead of:

[Riadansen]

[Tino]

Looks a lot more like it, yes.

Now to read through it, picking out some flaws.

[Riadansen]

eh, oh well

[Fire Blazer]

The spelling and grammar aren't too good and it is quite hard to read a story when it is like that. If you want to make a professional story that looks great then fix up general grammar and it will definitely be improved and look better even though the words are the same.

Things such as "tat" which should be "that", "werent" which should be "weren't", capitalizing letters, etc.

[Dath]

Ow....for future references, it's easier for viewers eyes if for journal entries, you have it just as italics.

[Fire Blazer]

More comments.

[Riadansen]

Chapter 2:

"Darkness Aproachess..."

Journal entry:

-Month: January
-Day: 27
-Year: 1890

"From the looks of it, this rain will not stop yet, I thought that maybe today it would, but I was wrong. I'm guessing that it will continue drizzling all day for the least, as for Ragron, I do not know how he's gonna get back to his village now"

"*yawn* morning Alucard"as he went to the coridor half asleep.

"Oh, good morning, I can see your up early Ragron, wanna join me for a cup of coffe?" said Alucard while closing his journal, trying to forget the subject of another passing day of his mother's death.

" you know it doesn't seem like were gonna be able to go back home to my village... this sucks... I wonder though, is it light rain for the least?" said Ragron while looking out the window wondering how he could get back home.

Alucard thought of a plan and decided to just go even with all the rain it wouldn't ruin the way to the village " So we head out at 9:00, so i give you 1 hour to prepare yourself, got it?"

"Yes, i'll only eat some breakfast and maybe sharpen my blade"said Ragron.

While thinking of the adventure waiting ahead of them, Alucard thought of a small danger that would lie in their path... "Bandits" wearing Dark Mask of the ol' Garo Members.

He said "Ragron, remember to also be on guard at all times, we might not make it back... at least you might not... I am inmortal... So i suggest you ready yourself as best as you can"

"Huh? what do you mean? Were not gonna get mugged... are we?"said Ragron with a dissapointed face.

"Well, are you a good swordsman? You'd at least survive something if you are"said Alucard.

"Well... not bragging but yes, I am, and I hope to become one of the greatest!"said Ragron.

-50 minutes passed...-

"Alucard, I am prepared, let's go now, I wish not to wait!"as he lifted his blade and his bowl of waffles ()

Alucard and Ragron went outside and starting walking along the path where he first laid eyes on the castle. Even if he didn't feel like admiting it, Ragron was still scared when he met Alucard, for a man of a mysterious past, he still had a knowledgable heart.