17 replies to this topic

[Axel]

Mmkay so.. I'm in a bit of a slump lately,.

Hmmm.. I have absolutely no idea where my father is, my mother is suicidal, I've got all these ****ing psychological problems, I can't concentrate in school because I'm always worrying about my mother.. I usually just sleep cause I really don't give two shits about education anymore. My so-called "religion" has just blown up in my ****ing face, honestly, only two things in my life make me feel "happy" and that's my nephew, and my mom, nothing else matters anymore, what else is there for me to turn to, I've tried marijuana, which is good for a few hours.. but then I go back to feeling sad again.. psychology doesn't help..

I don't like living like this, but I wouldn't ever commit suicide, and I don't wanna end up gettin mixed into some serious shit and end up in jail.. it's just so ****ing confusing..

Anyway, sorry for the rant..

[Fire Blazer]

Three questions for you

1) Who are you?
2) Right now, who are the two most important people in your life?
3) Are you serious?

Elaborations:

- Who are you... what do you take pride in? What's important to you? What do you want from life? What is your "identity"?

- Judging from the one paragraph I read about you... assuming behind all the jokes etc. you make, this is how you truly are, then, the two most important people to you would probably be you and your Mother, followed by your nephew.

- Take a step back and analyze yourself, your situation... everything. -are you sure you're truly feeling the way you are, i.e. you're not making it up or blowing it out of proportions? I doubt you are, because it doesn't sound like it. But do try not to bury yourself in your own misery. Personally, when I get stabbed, it hurts more if I look at it and go "OMG, I'VE BEEN STABBED, LOOK AT THAT HUGE HOLE AND THE BLOOD!" as opposed to just putting a bandage over it and moving on, despite the pain that's there.

ALso, this is the maturity domain, so

I'm assuming everything here is serious and I'm not wasting my time with a prank or something

so

you should know

I am just a kid online

the biggest thing I can ever do to negatively impact your life is ban you from this forum, and that is NOT saying much.

but I'm also you're friend, so if you're bored or need someone to talk to, I'm also here. you have anonymity when you talk to me--I can't do shit to you, and the way I see you either doesn't change or doesn't matter to me. Also, I am an emotional sissy, so if you go doing dumb shit and you're my friend, which you are, then I will likely be like "the **** is that dumbass doing" in the sort of "I actually care how you're doing" type of manner. I've lost a lot of friends so when I lose those friendships, or people die, it really frustrates me and makes me depressed, so keep that in mind. You don't just have yourself to worry about, you have everyone else in your life. My guess is, your Mother needs you just as much as you need her. Correct me if I'm wrong, obviously. :\

/slightlymorethanaslightrant

[Ristau]

I've had some pretty rough times as of late aswell, things just have not going my way. Although your situation is very different from mine, I think that we have felt some of the same pain. Almost all of the people I used to consider my "close friends" basically all started partying this year and just completely ignoring me, while I tried to figure out why I was never included. This still illudes me, as some of these people whom I rarely even hang out with still seem to tell me that I am "One of their best friends." I tried drinking a little bit, but that didn't really help, plus I knew that self medication wasn't the answer. (I have major depression, but my parents won't allow me to take any meds to help). I even considered killing myself quite a few times, and one night I was on the brink of almost doing it. I figure though, that I am no pussy, and that is the cowards way out. All in all, I realize now, that in general, there are very few decent human beings that aren't too selfish and that actually give two shits about other people.
Aaron, don't do anything stupid for the people that are still close to you, and if you think one of them may try something stupid, remind them of all the pain that everyone else will have to endure for their "solution."

[Fire Blazer]

wait

Pie = Aaron? LIke, AaronXD?

O___o

And Ryoku

**** you

how dare you try to kill yourself

though

I bet half the people on this forum have been suicidal at once

also this:

QUOTE

All in all, I realize now, that in general, there are very few decent human beings that aren't too selfish and that actually give two shits about other people.

True

but

I'd like to think I'm one of them at least

probably only because i've been on both sides of the river

[Ristau]

No, Pie= Pie. He's been here for a while, I'm SURE that you should atleast know OF him, you couldn't have been THAT busy. Well, I guess you could've but from what I know about you for the last few years, I can tell that you are definetly one of those people. You care about [most] of the people here, and hell, you've given some people like 3rd an 4th chances.

[Fire Blazer]

well, here's the thing, there are some people who are just hopelessly mean, idiotic, stubborn etc.

like Cumore from Tales of Vesperia if you've ever played that game

I try to make the distinction between those people and then go from there XP

[SmashedFish]

Pie, I'm really sorry to hear that shit's going down the way it is. I'm not great at words or consoling people, but if you want to talk, hit me up on Steam or Skype. Heck, PMs here would do fine as well. I just want you to know that we're here for you, myself included, and I personally hope that things will start to turn around soon.

[Mikki]

How ironic...there was a suicide prevention advertisement under SmashedFish's post.

Anyway, sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I'm all open ears if you want to talk over PM.

[Elwood]

Man bro thats rough. For what its worth man I'm worried about you and I'm gonna start praying for you. I now alot if not all of the people on this forum care about you. And never forget that Jesus loves you.

[Golden Warrior]

QUOTE (Elwood288 @ Apr 21 2012, 04:38 PM)

Man bro thats rough. For what its worth man I'm worried about you and I'm gonna start praying for you. I now alot if not all of the people on this forum care about you. And never forget that Jesus loves you.

I agree. I too know that allot of people, myself included, would miss you if you were gone. I too, will be praying for you and your life.

QUOTE (Elwood288 @ Apr 21 2012, 04:38 PM)

And never forget that Jesus loves you.

Truthfully, don't forget!

[Axel]

QUOTE

I wouldn't ever commit suicide

That's the pussy's way out, I'm just gonna man up and get over it.. just see how life changes.. hopefully for the better. Anyway, thanks for the support guys/girls. means a lot to me. <3

[Fire Blazer]

there are still ads on this forum? I like, never see them

oh wait guys this is mature... uh *serious post*

life gets worse before it gets better. make the pain turn you into a better and stronger person

[Rujio]

There's the whole "good can't exist without evil" thing. If you don't know the bad, it's hard to appreciate the good. So in that way, being sad can make you happier.

[Axel]

Ahh, nothing like a little bit of psychology to bring the spirits up. (No Sarcasm)

[Fire Blazer]

Ha, psychology is awesome. But crazy at the same time, cuz humans really think weird sometimes.

[SmashedFish]

QUOTE (Pie @ Apr 21 2012, 06:17 PM)

QUOTE I wouldn't ever commit suicide That's the pussy's way out, I'm just gonna man up and get over it.. just see how life changes.. hopefully for the better. Anyway, thanks for the support guys/girls. means a lot to me. <3

Dude, uber respect for this. That's my thoughts exactly, and I'm glad to see that you share them.

[arimibn]

I know I'm a bit late on this, but never the less.

I can understand that you may be feeling a bit...stressed? (Can't think of the right word right now.) But hey. You've been dealing with it just fine from what I've seen. You also have a number of friends who are here for ya not just if ya need them, but if ya want em around too. Me included. If I'm on, I'm happy to talk. And I'm sure their are plenty others too.

As for the suicide note. I'm glad to see that you wouldn't ever commit suicide.

I'm not gonna lie. I've tried to commit suicide several times in the past. But for some reason I just wouldn't die. I'd always recover. It annoyed me greatly. And I didn't hate my life or anything, quite the opposite actually. I love my life. I always have. But the thing that bothered me was that everyone I cared for always seemed to go through problems because of me. The fact that my father always told me that he wished I was gone didn't help either. For pretty much all of my life, I've lived, alone, with my father. So he was pretty much all I had. Then to know that he hated me hit me hard. The fact that he tried to kill me hit me even harder. I've always tried to make my father happy. That's one thing I've always wanted. But nothing I ever did was good enough...Then I figured that if I killed myself, he might be happy because I was gone. So I climbed up to the top of our two story house and jumped off. Nothing happened to me. I drank poison. Nothing. I tried to stop for a bit, and decided to ask anyone else if they'd care if I was dead. Surprisingly, no one bothered to tell me not to kill myself. Heck, a few people even told me to do it. That made me feel pretty bad...I was gonna try to kill myself again, but my girlfriend(She wasn't my girlfriend at the time) begged me not to kill myself. It made me stop and think. It would be selfish of me to kill myself just to satisfy my own wish of pleasing my father. So I decided not to.

It makes me sad though, whenever I see someone think of suicide. Especially if it's one of my friends. If they're even thinking of suicide, it means I haven't done enough as their friend. I feel bad even if they're just feeling depressed.

So I can't stress this enough. Anytime I'm available, I am MORE than glad to talk to you.

[_Berserker_]

I have been there pie. It really is one of the worst feeling ever. Feeling useless and helpless. All i can say is don't look to the bad things. Look to the good, if you have decided suicide isn't right, then you obviously value your life and something or someone in it. I suggest you take a day at a time and spend your time occupied rather than brooding over dark things. Busy people don't have time to think about the good and the bad things in life, they just do it and move on. No matter how low a person may fall, humans are resistant and like to persevere. You just have to live through it and be who you are. Hopefully, things will get better. I wish you luck and happiness for your future.