This is the second rewrite of a story I've been writing for about a year. It's for a game idea so please tell me what you think.
Prologue
....Long ago when the earth was young before any other creature came into existence,the surface was ruled by demons.Conflicts over land and resources caused them to fight constantly.As the fighting reached it's pinnacle a holy light shined down from the heavens to halt the senseless violence. A goddess descended down to earth to show them that there were ways to live in peace. She created boundaries to separate them, in each boundary she created fertile land to keep them from quarreling.Before departing back to the heavens she divided her power into 10 elemental spirits to watch over each country.
She decided to leave the country of fire to lead the world to a new era. Soon the land took on the characteristics of the spirits that watched over them, as did the demons. Time passed and the kingdom of fire led the world into an era of peace and prosperity. But this was not to last as malice and envy grew in the hearts of the denizens of the water kingdom.They believed that they deserved to rule,that all life derives from water.The king of water sent an envoy to the fire king to peacefully ask for control.The fire king declined,replying that he and his kingdom were chosen by the Goddess to rule for a reason.
Infuriated the the king of water created a treaty with the queen of the ice kingdom. The soldiers of the water and ice charged the borders of the fire kingdom pushing the well trained troops back with sheer numbers.The troops of water and ice marched through the towns of the fire kingdom leaving behind a frozen, marsh of destruction leaving no one alive.Soon they had reached the capital of the fire kingdom. They marched through the streets cutting down all who would impede their path.The King and Queen of the land of fire looked out at was once their proud kingdom in despair.Before their final moments they summoned Sara, their most trusted vassal. They ordered her to take their newborn son and flee the castle to the village of Raide. The king and Queen fought valiantly even knowing the outcome.They killed many,but were pushed back to the throne.Wishing to end things
quickly the queen of ice summoned a comet of ice to destroy the castle killing the remaining knights, her own troops, and the entire royal family, or so she thought...
Now begins the tale of the orphaned prince, a tale of sorrow, vengeance, and romance.This tale begins in the small sustancian village of Raide.
...prologue end
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Siege
Started by Blackking14, Feb 26 2009 03:50 AM
2 replies to this topic
#2
Fire Blazer
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Posted 26 February 2009 - 08:39 PM
Not too bad.
Needs a few things in the grammar section, one small thing is after a period add a space before you start the next sentence.
Also, instead of just making the whole thing one huge paragraph, make it separate paragraphs.
Here is Paragraph 1 bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. Bla bla bla bla bla bla.
Here is Paragraph 2 bla bla bla bla bla etc.
Needs a few things in the grammar section, one small thing is after a period add a space before you start the next sentence.
Also, instead of just making the whole thing one huge paragraph, make it separate paragraphs.
Here is Paragraph 1 bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. Bla bla bla bla bla bla.
Here is Paragraph 2 bla bla bla bla bla etc.
Signature thanks to Shu.
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