20 replies to this topic

[Sothe]

Welcome students, please take a seat. Now, if you'll look at the board, there are many things written, I shall address them one by one.

1.)

The Heroes of Spam.

I will adress these heroes one at a time, starting with the greatest.

1.) Teh Devloper of 4chan. This wonderful hero of spam is revered world-wide for his genius invention. The entire internet is much more spammy due to him. Every day in school, we recite the pledge of allegiance to him, and it goes like this, kids.

I pledge allegiance
To the greatness
Of The developer of 4chan
And to Spam, for which it stands
One Nation, under him
Indivsible, with stupidity and spam for all

2.) The first person to use bad grammar, or 1337. While this great heros' name is unkown, he is renowned for his spam. We have a statue of him naked spouting water out of his mouth in the classroom here. *Points*

3.) death_angel666. This guy is more of a troll/spammer. However, his spam is great. Sadly, he never lasts long when he attacks a place.

4.) Erksage. This boy is a great spammer. He is lately going through issues with it, but he is still one of the best.

5.) Pretty much anyone at Serenes Forest. These guys are major spammers. They are to be loved and worshipped by all of us. Some of them have the audacity to make a post with nothing but "XD" in it.

6.) Death. Although his spam is mainly long over, his legend is pretty big. 40 posts of spam in one day earns him his place.

7.) Your teacher. Although my spam is weak as of late, it still knows no bounds. I have won "Biggest Spammer" Altogether, no lies, literally, 124 times in the past, with all forums strewn together.

8.) Athos. This bitch is good at spamming. He generally moves around FE Forums, masking his spam for intelligence. If he would but expand his areas of haunting, as the six above him have, he would be bigger possibly.

9.) Hughes. Otherwise known as Joe K. Hughes. His spam is very direct spam. Thus the low place. Spam is best when subtle enough that it doesn't accomplish anything, but you don't get in trouble.

10.) The unmentioned spammers... These spammers are spammers just as, if not not more good than the rest mentioned, whose names are unknown to me.

2.)


The Essentials of Spam.


This holy, beautiful word/acronym means Stupid Pointless Annoying Message.

So, as a spammer-in-training, you must learn to be stupid, annoying, and pointless. Don't worry, I make it look easy, but I've had years of training. You'll have time to learn. Spam is best when in our own little pits, which are located in most forums. Most have the word "Spam" in the title, and ocasionally the description. This is where master spammers call home. That means if you need me out of class, look for me there first, I will be spamming with some of the other elders. However, once you graduate, you will be good enough to spam in other areas if you so choose. Anyway, moving on~


3.)


Types of Spam


There is my style, which is hanging out in Spam Forums, and being the biggest idiot possible. But, for brave young men and women, some go out into serious forums and spam. If you choose this path after my strenous training, please be subtle. If you get in trouble for the Spam, you lose. Spammers hate to lose. There is also a great mentor of mine, who shall go un-named's style. Whine like a bitch, and use hideous grammar. This is best when you aren't seriously like that. Posting dozens of images is a great way to do it too, however it is more dangerous.


Now students, before I continue the lecture, does anyone have any questions?

[Fire Blazer]

Yes, I have a question: Why am I not on that list? xD I guess I'm not as spammy as I used to be.... -flashback three years ago-

[Tino]

I think everybody is quite spammy when they first come on the internet and join some forums (just like me)...

[Sothe]

I didn't really know you during your spammy days Blazer, so I guess you're in the unmentioned part. :\

[Felover3]

I have a question teacher, how many female bunny laguz am I allowed to have in class? And how many forms of 1 charecter, like Sheeda is healthy for any obsessor?

[Sothe]

Well, you may have any bunny laguz you like in here, as long as you make sure they don't maliciously maul the other students.

And to the other one, I would say 3-4.

[Shu]

How could you not have Seth there?

[Sothe]

I mentioned him, if you look closely enough Shu.

[Shu]

Is he.....Death_angel666 or something?

[Sothe]

[Shu]

He was your wise mentor?!?!?!???!!?!?!??!?!!?!??!!??

[Sothe]

The best way of learning is by example. I watched him, and thus made him an honorary mentor of Sothey.

[Shu]

Honorary?

[Sothe]

STOP...PERSECUTING ME! GAWDDD!

[Shu]

*Stops Persecuting him*

[Felover3]

*Counts*

FE3 Sheeda
FEDS Sheed
Anime Sheeda
TCG Sheeda


Yeah! I am not over the limt!


*Sits down with 4 sheedas and 5 bunny laguz(female)

[Kinesthesia]

... xD

[Sothe]

The Enemy of the Spammer.

The enemy of a Spammer is known greatly as the Staff. The Staff are powerful, and wield powerful weapons. Spammer's cannot hope to fight them unless we get them fired via framing them So, the best way to defeat the Staff, is to avoid them. D;

A little known enemy to the spammer is actually the troll. Trolls and Spammers have been at war for years, but only high members of the spamlords, and Trollzords know this. I am telling you students this, so you can prepare for a war, if needed.

The Fear(s) of a Spammer.

Firstly, spammers fear ban hammers. These things can deliver a hard knock to the side of our head, and leave us unable to spam. This is why subtle spam is the best spam. Ban hammers have the ability to silence us, which is another phobia of a good spammer. As spammers, we love to make pointless posts; so if we are silenced, we can't do our job, and we are greatly distraught.

---

Any questions so far?

[Kinesthesia]

Yup. Hehe, your sig is funny. Oh wait.. That's not a question.. So no then. I don't. o.0

[Sothe]

When a Spammer is Strongest

A spammer is strongest when he/she is accompanied by allies. Many spammers creates more spam; the more spam that surrounds a spammer makes them stronger. As such, if a spammer is in a forum with strict rules, hard-ass staffers, and little to no spam, their soul dries up, and they have to flee to a safe haven of spam. Ideal places are Spam Pits, or FEE, FEP, and SF. There are also many others in which we can hide.

---

Any questions, kids?