Jump to content



Toggle shoutbox Shoutbox Open the Shoutbox in a popup

@  xcrash1998 : (30 November 2019 - 11:07 PM) New fictional holiday "Index Day"
@  Fire Blazer : (28 November 2019 - 08:52 PM) yeah just guest bots and stuff I think :( we really were active once upon a time though...
@  kirant : (26 November 2019 - 03:48 PM) No invasion. I imagine a lot of guest bots visiting for indexing purposes.
@  xcrash1998 : (26 November 2019 - 02:15 PM) How is most people online at 959 for the 8th of October of this year? Is that right? Did I miss something or was there somekind of spambot invasion?
@  xcrash1998 : (26 November 2019 - 02:06 PM) I know what you mean, it gets awkard to post something unrelated to the current conversation, and even if somebody picks up on it, it would just become a huge mess in the c hatbox if a multitude of groups talk about different topics.
@  Fire Blazer : (10 November 2019 - 11:45 PM) especially better imo if you want to update on a topic but like only occasionally (e.g. a project you're working on or a let's play of a game)
@  Fire Blazer : (10 November 2019 - 11:44 PM) it's hard for me to explain precisely why but forums just like work better for meaningful discussion over a longer period of time ig
@  Fire Blazer : (10 November 2019 - 11:44 PM) but that's def just not hte same ig, idk
@  Fire Blazer : (10 November 2019 - 11:44 PM) yeah, you can also kind of respond at your own pace on forums. Discord conversations are often like... it's awkward to respond to something that happened a while ago, especially if the server is active, but even just in general. since you sort of need to keep track of multiple conversations at once at times, and it's not like it has a good reply/quote system ala forums, closest thing really is to copy/paste or screenshot the text you're responding to and then type a response below
@  Elwood : (09 November 2019 - 11:29 AM) Adding on to what's been said, I just enjoy the order and structure of the forums. You can look through the threads and know exactly what people are talking about. Conversation get lost and buried on discord which is why I'm not a big fan of it.
@  kirant : (06 November 2019 - 05:31 AM) I enjoy that part of forums too. They become niche communities where you can have very specialized conversations as opposed to the cluttered mess in Discord.
@  Ezra : (31 October 2019 - 01:17 AM) Yeah, part of me wishes I could go back to the times forums were more prevalent. I really enjoyed how even several different forums based off the same franchise could feel so different. It's not like what we now is bad though, I just feel nostalgic for old times.
@  Fire Blazer : (30 October 2019 - 06:39 AM) also forums in general are just not as prevalent, there are so many other ways to interact these days, like Twitter, FB, Tumblr, etc., where you can just throw your thoughts into the void. I think that's the real issue and that the only people rly interested in forums these days are either super dedicated to whatever they're about, have a specific reason/need to (e.g. support forums), or grew up with them and are thus attached to the idea enough to continue to try and use them (this was kinda me for a while lol but things happen, I couldn't keep it up forever)
@  Fire Blazer : (30 October 2019 - 06:36 AM) I've posted on SF for various reasons ofc but in terms of like making friends and stuff it's p. much just been smaller groups/forums, yeah. mainly FES
@  Elwood : (27 October 2019 - 10:08 PM) Only reason I'm even on Serenes was because I had hacking questions. @Ezra yeah I figured it must be an age thing. I've been called an old man by many a child because I use Facebook.
@  kirant : (26 October 2019 - 09:39 PM) It's strange. I don't think I've ever posted on Serenes...period. I've always been a fan of smaller forums.
@  Ezra : (26 October 2019 - 05:49 AM) I think it's because a lot of newer FE players didn't frequent forums growing up. And those that do probably end up on Serenes.
@  Elwood : (25 October 2019 - 07:30 AM) I would love to revitalize this place I'm just not sure how that would be done. I mean with how main stream FE seems to have become I'm honestly surprised we don't have more members.
@  Fire Blazer : (21 October 2019 - 08:04 PM) tfw u not coming here results in not seeing a PM from last month T_T ok gonna try and check at least every couple weeks now even if there's nothing here, lol...
@  Fire Blazer : (21 October 2019 - 07:54 PM) I come here almost never because I've fallen out of habit and basically just accepted the forums are dead :( it's neat you come here every day tho

Photo

Denial eSports Smite Pro League content

Smite Denial SPL Pro League Writer OblivionKnight

  • Please log in to reply
13 replies to this topic

#1 Oblivion Knight

Oblivion Knight

    Denial eSports Journalist

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,761 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Ohio
  • Interests:Anime, Video Games, Strategy Games, Smite, Hearthstone, Poetry, Writing

Posted 09 April 2015 - 05:02 AM

Hello everyone. Long time no see. I'm currently working for Denial eSports, covering their Smite team as a journalist. How did that take place, you may ask? Well I'll lay the background story. Over the course of my time not really being around here, I've been heavily involved in the Smite community and have gotten a fair amount of connections being friends with pro players. I gained friendships through watching streams of pro players and I mod a fair amount of chats on twitch in the Smite community. Anyway, the team that my friend is on got sponsored and soon after the organization wanted people to cover their team. Originally, I didn't think too much of it as I have never writen as a journalist before. Previously, you may have merely known me as a poet. I still write poetry from time to time, but most of the smite community knows me as the guy who writes funny 'copy pastas' in twitch chats. lol

 

Anyway, despite not really writing as a journalist previously, I considered the opportunity. Previously at the end of the World Championship in Janurary, I shared my experience as a viewer and community member in a reddit thread to which many people enjoyed. People enjoying my writing was a first and I found enjoyment in that. Not only was I close to most of the players on the team I could potentially write for, I was also a huge fan of watching competitive Smite and I really enjoy the game in general having played since 2013 and watching competitive since. After some encouragement from my friends, I went for it. The applying process involved submitting a test article, and a resume. For those who really know my background story, I haven't had much going for me since high school, so the resume part was scary (until my friend reminded me to shift the resume to showcasing my involvement in Smite). The original draft of that article wasn't as serious as a normal formal article because I had no idea what it really involved. A good friend who's talented at writing helped me out and taught me the steps of basic formal writing and assistance with helping root out grammar errors. I'm super thankful to all of her help and support or I probably wouldn't even have the position to begin with. After realizing what had to be done, I submitted and waited to see how things would turn out. With good word put in by the players, and my test article being efficient, I landed the position on the 9th of March. 

 

Since then I've looked to improve and continue my growth as a writer. I'll share the articles here in case anyone was interested in reading them, but as they're directed towards an audience that has played Smite before, it may be tough to understand and I apologize if things are confusing. I will look to update this opening post with more articles as they're released.

 

Twitter link for date team updates, other smite content, (or just to follow me) here you go: https://twitter.com/DenialOblivion

 

Article 1 Covering weeks One and Two of the Spring SPL: http://denialesports...biweekly-recap/

 

Article 2 Covering weeks three through five of the Spring SPL: http://denialesports...iweekly-recap-2


QUOTE
Knight of the Realm -- Sain can't get laid. Therefore Kent > Sain.
Knight of the Realm -- My logic is flawless.


QUOTE (bblues @ May 30 2012, 07:13 AM)
My, this so...if you're wondering why I haven't posted, it's because my palms are so glued to my face I can't pull them off.


One of the top three Ryans.

user posted image

This won't be removed until the Browns win the Super Bowl. - Started 9/7/09

#2 SmashedFish

SmashedFish

    Tom is not for opening

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,858 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Interests:fictional characters

Posted 09 April 2015 - 03:17 PM

People enjoying my writing was a first

 

I've been a fan of your poetry since FESpritez, and I'm not the only one  :P

 

Regardless, I'm happy for you that you managed to land a job in something you love, and I'm even pretty jealous that it's so cool, haha. Hopefully you're able to make it as the Travis Gafford of Smite. <3


Images - 11/22 Writing - 5/17 FE: Immortal Shrine
forum_signature__aeiou_by_sakowfniapqf-d

 

Spoiler


Need help with hacking? Post in the subforum, or Skype me (smashedfish76).


#3 Oblivion Knight

Oblivion Knight

    Denial eSports Journalist

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,761 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Ohio
  • Interests:Anime, Video Games, Strategy Games, Smite, Hearthstone, Poetry, Writing

Posted 09 April 2015 - 05:38 PM

 

I've been a fan of your poetry since FESpritez, and I'm not the only one  :P

 

Regardless, I'm happy for you that you managed to land a job in something you love, and I'm even pretty jealous that it's so cool, haha. Hopefully you're able to make it as the Travis Gafford of Smite. <3

Well I was refering to people liking my writing rather than my poetry, silly. I knew people liked my poetry, but my writing was something different all together. 


QUOTE
Knight of the Realm -- Sain can't get laid. Therefore Kent > Sain.
Knight of the Realm -- My logic is flawless.


QUOTE (bblues @ May 30 2012, 07:13 AM)
My, this so...if you're wondering why I haven't posted, it's because my palms are so glued to my face I can't pull them off.


One of the top three Ryans.

user posted image

This won't be removed until the Browns win the Super Bowl. - Started 9/7/09

#4 Fire Blazer

Fire Blazer

    You ready?

  • Creator
  • 12,103 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:U.S.A.
  • Interests:Too many to list. =P

Posted 09 April 2015 - 06:49 PM

I think your writing is fine as long as you take plenty of time to polish it. Pretty much all writing needs plenty of time to polish it, but the first step is actually investing that time, IMO. People who could be good writers often aren't just because they rush things. XP

 

As for the second article, the link actually doesn't work (I had to copy it and remove the characters at the end), you may want to fix that. Also, you should try adding a lot more images in between... and tbh it felt like a kind of long article in general. Perhaps try to keep things concise while still having specifics? Just some friendly suggestions--I know you didn't ask for it so feel free to tell me to shut up and ignore it, haha. I get carried away easily is all XP


Bblazer2.png

Signature thanks to Shu.


#5 Oblivion Knight

Oblivion Knight

    Denial eSports Journalist

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,761 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Ohio
  • Interests:Anime, Video Games, Strategy Games, Smite, Hearthstone, Poetry, Writing

Posted 10 April 2015 - 02:05 AM

I think your writing is fine as long as you take plenty of time to polish it. Pretty much all writing needs plenty of time to polish it, but the first step is actually investing that time, IMO. People who could be good writers often aren't just because they rush things. XP

 

Yeah, basically it was a learning experience. Finding out about keeping the same tenses throughout along with using action sentences and to stop using passive ones. 

 

As for the second article, the link actually doesn't work (I had to copy it and remove the characters at the end), you may want to fix that.

 

Yeah, I'm looking at the link in the second article and for some reason, whenever I click the link from within my opening post, it for some odd reason, inclueds a blank space in the url whenever it gets clicked on, but it goes away when I refresh the page. Rather odd. Perhaps just an issue with the coding of their site?  

 

Also, you should try adding a lot more images in between... and tbh it felt like a kind of long article in general. Perhaps try to keep things concise while still having specifics? Just some friendly suggestions--I know you didn't ask for it so feel free to tell me to shut up and ignore it, haha. I get carried away easily is all XP

 

Right. I had suggestions to include images between them, but I wasn't really sure what to include. Personally, I wasn't sure how to feel about this second article, but my bosses like it. My writing friend didn't really like the current length either, but so far most people enjoyed the second article more than the previous. Basically my thought process was that the second series had a lot of importance, and because of that I really wanted to be a bit more indepth rather than just... well... summarizing, if that makes any sense. Also no, don't be afraid to give criticism. lol The only way I'm going to improve is to take suggestions and learn from them, so don't be shy to be honest. =)


QUOTE
Knight of the Realm -- Sain can't get laid. Therefore Kent > Sain.
Knight of the Realm -- My logic is flawless.


QUOTE (bblues @ May 30 2012, 07:13 AM)
My, this so...if you're wondering why I haven't posted, it's because my palms are so glued to my face I can't pull them off.


One of the top three Ryans.

user posted image

This won't be removed until the Browns win the Super Bowl. - Started 9/7/09

#6 Fire Blazer

Fire Blazer

    You ready?

  • Creator
  • 12,103 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:U.S.A.
  • Interests:Too many to list. =P

Posted 10 April 2015 - 10:07 PM

Yeah writing can actually be pretty hard XD, I've slowly learned to write better thanks to all my dabbling in website stuff and such, but I still have a way to go myself, I think.

 

 

Yeah, I'm looking at the link in the second article and for some reason, whenever I click the link from within my opening post, it for some odd reason, inclueds a blank space in the url whenever it gets clicked on, but it goes away when I refresh the page. Rather odd. Perhaps just an issue with the coding of their site?

 

Yeah that's weird, I don't know what's up...

 

 

Right. I had suggestions to include images between them, but I wasn't really sure what to include. Personally, I wasn't sure how to feel about this second article, but my bosses like it. My writing friend didn't really like the current length either, but so far most people enjoyed the second article more than the previous. Basically my thought process was that the second series had a lot of importance, and because of that I really wanted to be a bit more indepth rather than just... well... summarizing, if that makes any sense. Also no, don't be afraid to give criticism. lol The only way I'm going to improve is to take suggestions and learn from them, so don't be shy to be honest. =)

 

Mhm, I see. I think even if they're just screens of the battle or something related to what you're saying (doesn't always need a caption, even), it can help spice things up. Walls of text are a bit intimidating, after all. But that's just me, and I lose attention easily and stuff XD as long as your bosses like it, I think everything is fine, right? :P


Bblazer2.png

Signature thanks to Shu.


#7 kirant

kirant

    I won't go until it's over

  • Staff
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,420 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 11 April 2015 - 05:39 AM

Alright...so this is written as I go through each of the two articles (as oppose to being written after the reading).  Bear in mind I have next to no clue what half this article actually talks about as I don't keep up with eSports.  My commentary focuses more on the technical and creative aspects of the writing for that reason.

 

Article 1:

 - Paragraph one bugs me a little.  I'm more of a direct writer and that could be the issue...however, I'm not a fan when you don't organize thoughts in such a manner as to avoid commas.  So my brain typically flips tables when I read "In week one, [x]" as oppose to "[x] in week one".  This sentence in particular might work better with having that part in front as it's actually quite helpful to state this outright (since it's key to list the most important information first).  Just keep in in mind as my head noted to such sentences in a row and it got a bit awkward to read for that reason.

 - Watch your tenses.  You use both past and present tense in your second paragraph in methods that can become awkward such as in your sentence about a match which started slowly (past tense) but included abusing of certain...characters?  Whatever they are, it's present tense and feels odd to read..

 - I'd also note your use of certain terms.  "Ban" appeared twice fairly quickly and repetition is a powerful tool for and against writers.  It's good if you want to bring up a theme such as "tactical bans were the key focus of this entire game and much more effort the wins and losses were done because of the bans than the game itself".  But it can also hurt you a lot if you don't intend for it to happen.  See the silly Simpsons quote: "Big game fever is reaching a fever pitch as the fevered rivalry between Springfield U. and Springfield A&M spreads like wild-fever. This is writing?"

 - Make sure you're aware of your audience.  I'm not sure if your readers are expected to know about the relevance of bans or not.  Your comments about the power level concern help someone like me but to a seasoned player it may just be extra fluff that pads the word count.

 - I kind of feel that this is more of a summary and doesn't hold a lot of storytelling.  It doesn't necessarily need to be one or the other and I think would add a strong level of character to your writing.  I'm not sure what your bosses think but most sports articles I read attempt to tell a story even in the form of a recount.  They give a sense of the ebb and flow of the game which, even if you know the ending, creates a story far beyond [x] [y] [z] happened.  This is something that comes with experience but certainly try to add more to the narrative.  I think a creative writing professor I talked to once said it best: use uncanny verbs.  Use words which stand out and aren't expected in their context.  The reader doesn't find useful information in the book; the book's gaze pierces into the reader's heart. (In this example, nobody would traditionally expect a book to stare at people).  The other piece of advice I put above (being concise) is also his.

 - The directness issue is coming up again in my head.  My mind read it as "Denial showcased their adaptability by banning [...] due to their loss in the previous game".  In my own mind, I'd be tempted along the lines of "Denial decided to play a game of depth instead of meeting the same problems face to face and banned their biggest problems from last match, [...].".

 - I think you're allowed to play favourites as you write for a specific group.  I'd love to see you utilize that a bit.  You could probably throw in terms like "the good guys" for Denial as this kind of feels a bit stuffy.  And this is coming from a guy who writes lab reports for the most part!

 

I think there's a lot of the formalism issue you mentioned.  I think you've got a good technical base to work on but I'd certainly recommend asking if you can open up the fun a bit since nobody likes reading technical documents for news.  I mean, there's a reason TVtropes has a page literally listed as "IKEA Erotica". 

 

Article 2:

 - Two pages in and I'm kind of wanting titles for each section.  I know it's a bit low level but I feel that having stuff like "What's on the line" or "Flow of the match" would help organize the article greatly.  I might not care about what the context was going into the match for example.

 - I think you have a few comma issues.  You don't need one before "and" unless you're using the Oxford comma in lists.  Actually, just a general comment for everybody: please use the Oxford comma for clarity's sake.

 - On a similar track...you typically don't use a comma in front of "with".  

 - I feel being specific would help.  It's nice that one team gets an advantage and strikes towers but I almost feel this is being written without a set of notes to understand and is being written in general strokes.  Let's say this is a MOBA game.  It probably is actually.  But did they push up the middle?  Did they skirmish or did they go full court press and just go for an all out sweep?  Did they attempt to gank a lot?  Did the strategy change and did they they sacrifice long term efficiency for short term gain?  These sorts of little details really help us imagine a world and put us in the moment.  This little moment is what the writer needs the audience to capture.

 

I found the pace a bit better in this one.  There was an occasion or two where I could see you were trying to capture the heat of the moment and the flow of battle.  I think the formality is a bit of an issue still but I can certainly see you're interested and passionate in the subject but I really feel you're hemming yourself in with a specific format style.


RedBlue.png
Shameless Self-Plug - Updated May 30 - A Letter to a Younger Me – Anime Edition


#8 Snow

Snow

    The Combat Medic

  • Veterans
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 926 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Santiago de Chile
  • Interests:Tons of stuff, figure them out yourself.

Posted 12 April 2015 - 03:54 AM

Oblivion I think it's awesome that you're working on this. I don't really follow eSports or online games like Smite, but I hope you do well and have fun.


Posted Image
Posted Image
This won't be removed until Chile wins the World Cup - Started 24/06/12
BTW, I take map requests if anyone wants to make one XD, just send me a PM and I'll most likely accept. If you wanna see some of previous work you can visit my gallery here, I'd skip to the end because I've improved alot XD.

#9 Oblivion Knight

Oblivion Knight

    Denial eSports Journalist

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,761 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Ohio
  • Interests:Anime, Video Games, Strategy Games, Smite, Hearthstone, Poetry, Writing

Posted 17 April 2015 - 11:38 AM

Article 1:

 - Paragraph one bugs me a little.  I'm more of a direct writer and that could be the issue...however, I'm not a fan when you don't organize thoughts in such a manner as to avoid commas.  So my brain typically flips tables when I read "In week one, [x]" as oppose to "[x] in week one".  This sentence in particular might work better with having that part in front as it's actually quite helpful to state this outright (since it's key to list the most important information first).  Just keep in mind as my head noted to such sentences in a row and it got a bit awkward to read for that reason.

 - Watch your tenses.  You use both past and present tense in your second paragraph in methods that can become awkward such as in your sentence about a match which started slowly (past tense) but included abusing of certain...characters?  Whatever they are, it's present tense and feels odd to read..

 - I'd also note your use of certain terms.  "Ban" appeared twice fairly quickly and repetition is a powerful tool for and against writers.  It's good if you want to bring up a theme such as "tactical bans were the key focus of this entire game and much more effort the wins and losses were done because of the bans than the game itself".  But it can also hurt you a lot if you don't intend for it to happen.  See the silly Simpsons quote: "Big game fever is reaching a fever pitch as the fevered rivalry between Springfield U. and Springfield A&M spreads like wild-fever. This is writing?"

 

- A lot of the first article stuff is kinda shakey because it was the first article I ever wrote ever and the first paragraph isn't much different. lol

- Yeah tensing has been something I've tried to make constant but things kinda slip away or I don't notice them until its too late. If I try to update an article, the date released gets changed and it looks really wierd and throws off the Denial website. =( 

 

- I definately agree that I have to be careful with repetition of words and I've tried to work around that. The problem here was that the banning phase of Smite is super important in terms of team composition for characters. In the first article I wanted to try to include everything because I wasn't really sure what I should do since well... first article ever. *nervous laughter* Also that Simpsons quote is great. haha

 

 - Make sure you're aware of your audience.  I'm not sure if your readers are expected to know about the relevance of bans or not.  Your comments about the power level concern help someone like me but to a seasoned player it may just be extra fluff that pads the word count.

 - I kind of feel that this is more of a summary and doesn't hold a lot of storytelling.  It doesn't necessarily need to be one or the other and I think would add a strong level of character to your writing.  I'm not sure what your bosses think but most sports articles I read attempt to tell a story even in the form of a recount.  They give a sense of the ebb and flow of the game which, even if you know the ending, creates a story far beyond [x] [y] [z] happened.  This is something that comes with experience but certainly try to add more to the narrative.  I think a creative writing professor I talked to once said it best: use uncanny verbs.  Use words which stand out and aren't expected in their context.  The reader doesn't find useful information in the book; the book's gaze pierces into the reader's heart. (In this example, nobody would traditionally expect a book to stare at people).  The other piece of advice I put above (being concise) is also his.

 - The directness issue is coming up again in my head.  My mind read it as "Denial showcased their adaptability by banning [...] due to their loss in the previous game".  In my own mind, I'd be tempted along the lines of "Denial decided to play a game of depth instead of meeting the same problems face to face and banned their biggest problems from last match, [...].".

 - I think you're allowed to play favourites as you write for a specific group.  I'd love to see you utilize that a bit.  You could probably throw in terms like "the good guys" for Denial as this kind of feels a bit stuffy.  And this is coming from a guy who writes lab reports for the most part!

 

I think there's a lot of the formalism issue you mentioned.  I think you've got a good technical base to work on but I'd certainly recommend asking if you can open up the fun a bit since nobody likes reading technical documents for news.  I mean, there's a reason TVtropes has a page literally listed as "IKEA Erotica". 

 

- Yeah when I originally wrote this, I had no idea what I'd really do in terms of an audience but I figured my bosses wants me to direct it towards an audience that kind of understands Smite to some degree. Wasn't sure about skill level, but I wanted to try to appeal to people that have no idea what's going on. Trying to do too much all at once I guess. 

 

- Thank you for the sport articles comment, I'll be sure to check some out before I write the next article (whenever that is, the team isn't playing for a while). My writing friend got me into the habit of trying to use a wider range of verbs to catch reader appeal and I attempted to do that, but my vocabulary isn't the best sadly. 

 

- Trying to write for the losing team is kinda hard, like you don't want to make people look bad, but you don't really want to sugar coat people losing, if that makes much sense. 

 

- Yeah I'm not sure. I talked to my bosses and they said I generally had to be serious but I can probably ask them again, may've took it too strictly as I know where you're coming from. At one point I described someone performing well on a monkey character as "bananas" and it got changed so *shrug*

 

Article 2:

 - Two pages in and I'm kind of wanting titles for each section.  I know it's a bit low level but I feel that having stuff like "What's on the line" or "Flow of the match" would help organize the article greatly.  I might not care about what the context was going into the match for example.

 - I think you have a few comma issues.  You don't need one before "and" unless you're using the Oxford comma in lists.  Actually, just a general comment for everybody: please use the Oxford comma for clarity's sake.

 - On a similar track...you typically don't use a comma in front of "with".  

 - I feel being specific would help.  It's nice that one team gets an advantage and strikes towers but I almost feel this is being written without a set of notes to understand and is being written in general strokes.  Let's say this is a MOBA game.  It probably is actually.  But did they push up the middle?  Did they skirmish or did they go full court press and just go for an all out sweep?  Did they attempt to gank a lot?  Did the strategy change and did they they sacrifice long term efficiency for short term gain?  These sorts of little details really help us imagine a world and put us in the moment.  This little moment is what the writer needs the audience to capture.

 

I found the pace a bit better in this one.  There was an occasion or two where I could see you were trying to capture the heat of the moment and the flow of battle.  I think the formality is a bit of an issue still but I can certainly see you're interested and passionate in the subject but I really feel you're hemming yourself in with a specific format style.

 

 

- I got suggestions from a fair amount of people to include pictures between sections to kinda limit how bulky it feels, but I wasn't really sure what to put and didn't want to risk making it worse or bad. Having titles on each section is interesting though and worth looking into.

 

- Commas and I are a work in progress. I'm trying hard not to have run on sentences, but I'm still using them a bit too much it seems. 

 

- Thanks for this paragraph. It helped me picture what I should try to aim for. Also you're correct that Smite's a MOBA. 

 

- I'm glad that you can see my passion and interest in this so I'm doing something right. =) That was the only the real second article I wrote ever so I'm still trying to figure everything out. My bosses liked the second article a lot more than the first one, so I'm making progress. 

 

Thank you so much for going over these for me. I didn't expect to get much criticism or suggestions here when nobody was really accustomed to Smite. Means a lot, thanks man. <3 


QUOTE
Knight of the Realm -- Sain can't get laid. Therefore Kent > Sain.
Knight of the Realm -- My logic is flawless.


QUOTE (bblues @ May 30 2012, 07:13 AM)
My, this so...if you're wondering why I haven't posted, it's because my palms are so glued to my face I can't pull them off.


One of the top three Ryans.

user posted image

This won't be removed until the Browns win the Super Bowl. - Started 9/7/09

#10 SmashedFish

SmashedFish

    Tom is not for opening

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,858 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Interests:fictional characters

Posted 17 April 2015 - 01:03 PM

The hype from your articles almost makes me want to try Smite again, haha. Do a few bot games with me or something~?


Images - 11/22 Writing - 5/17 FE: Immortal Shrine
forum_signature__aeiou_by_sakowfniapqf-d

 

Spoiler


Need help with hacking? Post in the subforum, or Skype me (smashedfish76).


#11 Oblivion Knight

Oblivion Knight

    Denial eSports Journalist

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,761 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Ohio
  • Interests:Anime, Video Games, Strategy Games, Smite, Hearthstone, Poetry, Writing

Posted 17 April 2015 - 01:42 PM

The hype from your articles almost makes me want to try Smite again, haha. Do a few bot games with me or something~?

Ahh. I'm glad I have that effect on people (or at least on you). I really wish my internet was better. I don't really want to risk dcing and getting deserter and ruining matches for people. I could probably hop on a smurf or something and try bot games sometime I guess. Hopefully I'll have better internet in a month or two. lol 


QUOTE
Knight of the Realm -- Sain can't get laid. Therefore Kent > Sain.
Knight of the Realm -- My logic is flawless.


QUOTE (bblues @ May 30 2012, 07:13 AM)
My, this so...if you're wondering why I haven't posted, it's because my palms are so glued to my face I can't pull them off.


One of the top three Ryans.

user posted image

This won't be removed until the Browns win the Super Bowl. - Started 9/7/09

#12 SmashedFish

SmashedFish

    Tom is not for opening

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,858 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Interests:fictional characters

Posted 18 April 2015 - 03:49 AM

Ahh. I'm glad I have that effect on people (or at least on you). I really wish my internet was better. I don't really want to risk dcing and getting deserter and ruining matches for people. I could probably hop on a smurf or something and try bot games sometime I guess. Hopefully I'll have better internet in a month or two. lol 

 

You'd think I'd remember that after, like, the fourth separate time that you mentioned it to me, haha. Keep me posted, I guess. I'll actually go download the game and maybe git gud in the meanwhile.


Images - 11/22 Writing - 5/17 FE: Immortal Shrine
forum_signature__aeiou_by_sakowfniapqf-d

 

Spoiler


Need help with hacking? Post in the subforum, or Skype me (smashedfish76).


#13 Oblivion Knight

Oblivion Knight

    Denial eSports Journalist

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,761 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Ohio
  • Interests:Anime, Video Games, Strategy Games, Smite, Hearthstone, Poetry, Writing

Posted 21 April 2015 - 01:18 AM

Good news people. I'll be working alongside a fellow Denial writer in making some Smite guides, stuff like a general introduction to the game and guides for roles (for those interested).They should fill up the time before the next Pro League split starts in summer.  Not sure how quickly they'll be up, but I'll be sure to post updates here. 

 

For anyone with previous moba experience as a reference, I'll be covering the support, jungle, and solo lane roles.


QUOTE
Knight of the Realm -- Sain can't get laid. Therefore Kent > Sain.
Knight of the Realm -- My logic is flawless.


QUOTE (bblues @ May 30 2012, 07:13 AM)
My, this so...if you're wondering why I haven't posted, it's because my palms are so glued to my face I can't pull them off.


One of the top three Ryans.

user posted image

This won't be removed until the Browns win the Super Bowl. - Started 9/7/09

#14 Seraphinox

Seraphinox

    Scribe of the Heavens

  • Staff
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,263 posts
  • Location:Ireland

Posted 23 April 2015 - 11:32 AM

Oh thank god.

 

An introduction to roles would be wonderful.

 

I really want to try Conquest, (So far I've only played Arena and Assault) but I feel that since I don't know what the meta is or what kind of characters are meant to go where, I'll just end up dragging my team down.

 

It's different from LoL where I've been playing that game since 2011 and Heroes of the Storm where there is no truly defined meta and the laning phase ends after 5 minutes anyway to go take objectives


QUOTE (The Best Matt)
"blazer posting sexy pictures.. was it tagged as blazzer?" 

QUOTE ( Oblivion)
Seraphiroth is over rated

user posted image




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users