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@  Fire Blazer : (24 December 2019 - 03:17 AM) naw, it's when the bots make collaborated efforts to crawl places, lol
@  kirant : (23 December 2019 - 05:20 AM) What do we do on Index Day? Give each other bots?
@  Fire Blazer : (16 December 2019 - 01:39 AM) LOL
@  xcrash1998 : (30 November 2019 - 11:07 PM) New fictional holiday "Index Day"
@  Fire Blazer : (28 November 2019 - 08:52 PM) yeah just guest bots and stuff I think :( we really were active once upon a time though...
@  kirant : (26 November 2019 - 03:48 PM) No invasion. I imagine a lot of guest bots visiting for indexing purposes.
@  xcrash1998 : (26 November 2019 - 02:15 PM) How is most people online at 959 for the 8th of October of this year? Is that right? Did I miss something or was there somekind of spambot invasion?
@  xcrash1998 : (26 November 2019 - 02:06 PM) I know what you mean, it gets awkard to post something unrelated to the current conversation, and even if somebody picks up on it, it would just become a huge mess in the c hatbox if a multitude of groups talk about different topics.
@  Fire Blazer : (10 November 2019 - 11:45 PM) especially better imo if you want to update on a topic but like only occasionally (e.g. a project you're working on or a let's play of a game)
@  Fire Blazer : (10 November 2019 - 11:44 PM) it's hard for me to explain precisely why but forums just like work better for meaningful discussion over a longer period of time ig
@  Fire Blazer : (10 November 2019 - 11:44 PM) but that's def just not hte same ig, idk
@  Fire Blazer : (10 November 2019 - 11:44 PM) yeah, you can also kind of respond at your own pace on forums. Discord conversations are often like... it's awkward to respond to something that happened a while ago, especially if the server is active, but even just in general. since you sort of need to keep track of multiple conversations at once at times, and it's not like it has a good reply/quote system ala forums, closest thing really is to copy/paste or screenshot the text you're responding to and then type a response below
@  Elwood : (09 November 2019 - 11:29 AM) Adding on to what's been said, I just enjoy the order and structure of the forums. You can look through the threads and know exactly what people are talking about. Conversation get lost and buried on discord which is why I'm not a big fan of it.
@  kirant : (06 November 2019 - 05:31 AM) I enjoy that part of forums too. They become niche communities where you can have very specialized conversations as opposed to the cluttered mess in Discord.
@  Ezra : (31 October 2019 - 01:17 AM) Yeah, part of me wishes I could go back to the times forums were more prevalent. I really enjoyed how even several different forums based off the same franchise could feel so different. It's not like what we now is bad though, I just feel nostalgic for old times.
@  Fire Blazer : (30 October 2019 - 06:39 AM) also forums in general are just not as prevalent, there are so many other ways to interact these days, like Twitter, FB, Tumblr, etc., where you can just throw your thoughts into the void. I think that's the real issue and that the only people rly interested in forums these days are either super dedicated to whatever they're about, have a specific reason/need to (e.g. support forums), or grew up with them and are thus attached to the idea enough to continue to try and use them (this was kinda me for a while lol but things happen, I couldn't keep it up forever)
@  Fire Blazer : (30 October 2019 - 06:36 AM) I've posted on SF for various reasons ofc but in terms of like making friends and stuff it's p. much just been smaller groups/forums, yeah. mainly FES
@  Elwood : (27 October 2019 - 10:08 PM) Only reason I'm even on Serenes was because I had hacking questions. @Ezra yeah I figured it must be an age thing. I've been called an old man by many a child because I use Facebook.
@  kirant : (26 October 2019 - 09:39 PM) It's strange. I don't think I've ever posted on Serenes...period. I've always been a fan of smaller forums.
@  Ezra : (26 October 2019 - 05:49 AM) I think it's because a lot of newer FE players didn't frequent forums growing up. And those that do probably end up on Serenes.

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Trust Issues


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54 replies to this topic

#1 arimibn

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 06:42 PM

I really hate myself.

I'm so damn weak...

I quite literally love and care about EVERY ONE of my friends. And you know what this kind loving heart always gets me? Pain. Neglect. Etc.

I remember when I could see people die and feel NOTHING!! Why can't I be like that anymore?! Why do I have to be so caring..? So loving...?

NO ONE has EVER treated me the way I've treated them. People always act like I'm just...faking. And let me tell you. Nothing hurts me more than having someone you love think you don't care about them.

Yes. Norianna is my Girlfriend. But since when does she have to be the only one that I can love? Why CAN'T I love my brothers and sisters too? Is it so wrong that I'm not scared to tell a close friend that I love them like a brother/sister?!! And the worst part is that it is!!

I hate this wretched heart of mine...I truly wish I could just hate everything again like I used to...Then...maybe then..I wouldn't be sad anymore...

....I just don't know anymore....I feel so sad and confused...my friend said she didn't want to be around me....And...yet...I know I've never said an unkind word to her...

......It's not just her. I recently had a friend...who I considered my older brother...he thought I didn't care about him, so he went to the mafia...and this happened a month ago. Not to mention several others who have pretty much just completely disregarded my feelings...I mean honestly...Was I really that bad a friend? I know I've never said an unkind word to them...And yet they act as though I'm making their lives worse...Every time I allow myself to care for someone, they act as if it's just so wrong...They act like I'm making their lives worse...When I thought of suicide, do you know how many people told me they didn't want me to die? One. And that's Norianna, my girlfriend. Most people TOLD me to kill myself. My mother, stepmother, and my father all told me to kill myself. All I want is to be able to make my friends happy...to show them that I love them...and yet all I ever get from that is pain.

I know I shouldn't care about things so much.......I really wish I could agree with that...But I can't...I used to be able to brush off anything...but now I've become soft. I get attached to people too easily. I just don't understand it. I have so much love in my heart, and yet, for most of my life, I've only received hate. I've had a few friends who I think care about me, but I have my doubts...But even so, that doesn't stop me from caring about people. No matter what anyone has ever done to me, I've always...forgiven them...I just don't want to be alone ever again...Do you know what it feels like? Being alone? Knowing that no one cares about you? Finding that out after having believed that people loved you? It's a horrid feeling. And I hate this about myself, but I just feel scared so often wondering if someone really cares for me or not...I have a 147 IQ, so I notice things...A LOT of things...And I get worried...I'd notice if someone didn't reply to me, but was replying to everyone else. I start thinking depressing thoughts....I notice everything, and I never really forget anything...It's...maddening...
"You'll never forgive me? Like I give a damn."
"You got a jacked up notion of fair play pal...and it's beginning to piss me off."
"Though a fight every now and again does make life a little more interesting...dontcha think?"
Posted Image
^ This isn't dead, I swear!
Most of my closest friends have qualities that I despise. But I love them all regardless of their faults.
"Why are we trying to narrow God's mercy? I didn't realize there was a limit to how many people could go to heaven."

This will not be removed until I finish my Sprite Series. Arim and AJ VS The World Started December 19, 2013 (I actually still haven't given up on this! XD)

This will not be removed until The Demon Invasion is finished. Started December 19, 2013 (Hue)

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#2 Golden Warrior

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 07:01 PM

Arim, I actually DO know how you feel. I've tried being nice to people before and I ,too, was ignored/neglected. It is the worst feeling in the world and no one deserves to feel it, not even you.

If it helps, I've always considered you a friend and always will. You have made me happy, even joyful in the past. You shouldn't hate yourself for this neglect. There is nothing wrong with being denied/neglected, as it helps you understand better what to try doing in the future, that, however, is only my experience.

It is not wrong to love everyone either, as a matter of fact, (I'm sorry if this will seem offensive) God tells everyone to. Whether or not you are Christian, like me, I still think you should try to love everyone, don't let these feelings stop you from making new friends, or even being a good one. Even if you are neglected the is always someone along the way that will be a truthfully loyal friend, I know there will be.

Arim, I think you have a truly wonderful personality and will most certainly meet a loyal friend because of this. If I have ever hurt you in the past or if I ever do, don't hesitate to tell me, whether openly or by PM.

I will try to be loyal to you, in the good times and bad, true friends do that.

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#3 arimibn

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 07:04 PM

Thank you...That makes me feel a little better...
"You'll never forgive me? Like I give a damn."
"You got a jacked up notion of fair play pal...and it's beginning to piss me off."
"Though a fight every now and again does make life a little more interesting...dontcha think?"
Posted Image
^ This isn't dead, I swear!
Most of my closest friends have qualities that I despise. But I love them all regardless of their faults.
"Why are we trying to narrow God's mercy? I didn't realize there was a limit to how many people could go to heaven."

This will not be removed until I finish my Sprite Series. Arim and AJ VS The World Started December 19, 2013 (I actually still haven't given up on this! XD)

This will not be removed until The Demon Invasion is finished. Started December 19, 2013 (Hue)

3DS Friend Code 0834 - 1057 - 3616

#4 Howl

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 07:56 PM

Perhaps it won't help, but my grandfather used to say that 'You'll be lucky to have one true friend your entire life.' I believe that completely, because throughout my life, I've made friends, and lost friends, fallen out of contact or otherwise, and I know that I am not the cause.

A small story.

I used to feel very similar to you, thinking I was the cause of people around me leaving, or neglecting me.
One time I got so angry about it, that I started thinking that it was because I did something wrong, so I asked one of my so called friends. They told me it wasn't me, and that I had been more then a good friend. They said that they didn't feel like they deserved me as a friend, because they didn't treat me the way I treated them. So, I realized that there was nothing I could do about it, and if they didn't want me as a friend, then its not my problem. I started living my life focusing on myself. Since then, I've met several people who are drawn to my personality, and they have proven that they wanted to be my friend. We had similar interests, personalities, or histories and they proved to me that they were trust worthy. It is then that I show them the loyalty of a true friend.

I would gladly take a bullet for any of my friends, and though our interaction is very limited... I would be honored to have a friend like you to be honest. Although it would be better if you could put these feelings behind you, because if I was you, I wouldn't want to project my negative feelings on my friends. A true friend is a steadfast pillar of strength for those he cares about, to lean on when they need it most.

-Howl

#5 Holy Kensai

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 09:05 PM

Off topic, but I just want to throw this out there. IQ is useless. There is no agreed upon definition of intelligence, and depending who you ask the number of types of intelligence range from 2 to over 200. IQ tests literally only measure how good you are at IQ tests. They have no correlation with intelligence.
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#6 Fire Blazer

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 09:58 PM

All I have to say is

**** trusting people

you think I'm being immature?

Well **** you too.

I agree with the post-user

trusting people is more hurt than it is help

and I don't want to be hurt anymore than I already have

so I might pretend to trust but I'll never truly reap the benefits of a strong relationship

nor will I suffer from the pain of having those bonds broken

/end

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#7 arimibn

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 10:28 PM

@Howl Thank you. I will do my best to be a good friend to you.

@Kensai I cannot currently think of a way to respond to that without sounding rude.

@Blazer To be honest, deep down I know this, but I constantly ignore my instincts, and I constantly get hurt. Go figure. I'll continue to get knocked down, but I'll still get up and I will still let them knock me down.

I'll probably be back to my old happy-go lucky self. Drinking blood tends to make me feel better, and it has. I can't say I really feel better, but I'm just going to ignore it and move on.
"You'll never forgive me? Like I give a damn."
"You got a jacked up notion of fair play pal...and it's beginning to piss me off."
"Though a fight every now and again does make life a little more interesting...dontcha think?"
Posted Image
^ This isn't dead, I swear!
Most of my closest friends have qualities that I despise. But I love them all regardless of their faults.
"Why are we trying to narrow God's mercy? I didn't realize there was a limit to how many people could go to heaven."

This will not be removed until I finish my Sprite Series. Arim and AJ VS The World Started December 19, 2013 (I actually still haven't given up on this! XD)

This will not be removed until The Demon Invasion is finished. Started December 19, 2013 (Hue)

3DS Friend Code 0834 - 1057 - 3616

#8 Fire Blazer

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 11:20 PM

Hey, don't drink blood.

Don't do stupid things. They won't get people feeling bad for you and they won't get you attention. They just hurt you.

You need to realize your pain for what it is in order to recognize your moments of happiness. The more you suffer, the happier you become when that suffering is relieved. Keep that in mind as you move forward, bud.

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#9 Rujio

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 11:45 PM

Things like hate don't actually make you feel better. They just mask the pain. What it really comes down to is that you need to care about yourself above anyone else. You shouldn't TRY to care about someone just because you're obligated to. If you focus on yourself, you'll start caring about people without trying. I have plenty of friends I really care about, and I never set out to care about any of them.
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#10 Echo-279

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Posted 25 May 2012 - 12:45 AM

I trust you arim, as a good buddy of mine here on FEShrine!
Darkness will reclaim what the Light had created.

I will not remove this until i beat Bloody Palace mode in DMC 3.

" Those who survive a long time on the battlefield start to? think they're invincible...I bet you do too, Buddy."

QUOTE (Rujio @ Jun 16 2013, 05:22 PM)
Welcome to FEShrine, where our core members are lurkers and bots.



QUOTE (SmashedFish @ Feb 20 2013, 05:01 AM)
I hate you, Ryoku. Jk. Happy birthday, Ryoku! Hope you have a long and fulfilling year ahead of you.

Quote it



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#11 Axel

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Posted 25 May 2012 - 12:50 AM

I'm sorry, but you sound ridiculous in this post.. I can't find any reasoning to why you would WANT to have a heart full of hate, I would kill to have something to love, as Rujio said.. hate doesn't negate your problems, it just covers them up and gives you a false sense of.. I guess a good word to use would be "accomplishment?"

Don't get me wrong, I respect you as a person, and I like you.. but most of the stuff you said in this thread just makes absolutely no sense to me. :/
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"Puberty is the prelude to, and preparation for, sexual as well as emotional maturity and fullfulment in later lfe...".

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#12 arimibn

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Posted 25 May 2012 - 02:08 AM

@Blazer I don't drink my OWN blood. It's just a habit of mine that calms me. Some people drink beer, I drink blood.

Like I said, I wanted to have a heart full of hate, because when I love people, it just gets me hurt. So I wanted a heart full of hate so that I don't feel that pain anymore.

I know it isn't the answer though.

I feel a but better now. I thank you guys for being here when I needed someone to talk to. For a long time, I didn't have that. I'm paranoid, I know, but I'll get over it. Just needed to let things out a bit. I feel great now because I did.

I used to keep everything bottled up. And I still do, but not as much. I feel good knowing I have friends. You guys are good people. And I'm glad I have ya.
"You'll never forgive me? Like I give a damn."
"You got a jacked up notion of fair play pal...and it's beginning to piss me off."
"Though a fight every now and again does make life a little more interesting...dontcha think?"
Posted Image
^ This isn't dead, I swear!
Most of my closest friends have qualities that I despise. But I love them all regardless of their faults.
"Why are we trying to narrow God's mercy? I didn't realize there was a limit to how many people could go to heaven."

This will not be removed until I finish my Sprite Series. Arim and AJ VS The World Started December 19, 2013 (I actually still haven't given up on this! XD)

This will not be removed until The Demon Invasion is finished. Started December 19, 2013 (Hue)

3DS Friend Code 0834 - 1057 - 3616

#13 Axel

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Posted 25 May 2012 - 02:10 AM

It's funny how the right people always live miles and miles away, huh..?
user posted image

"Puberty is the prelude to, and preparation for, sexual as well as emotional maturity and fullfulment in later lfe...".

user posted image

#14 Echo-279

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Posted 25 May 2012 - 02:11 AM

No problem, we're always willing to listen when another member is having problems.
Darkness will reclaim what the Light had created.

I will not remove this until i beat Bloody Palace mode in DMC 3.

" Those who survive a long time on the battlefield start to? think they're invincible...I bet you do too, Buddy."

QUOTE (Rujio @ Jun 16 2013, 05:22 PM)
Welcome to FEShrine, where our core members are lurkers and bots.



QUOTE (SmashedFish @ Feb 20 2013, 05:01 AM)
I hate you, Ryoku. Jk. Happy birthday, Ryoku! Hope you have a long and fulfilling year ahead of you.

Quote it



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#15 arimibn

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Posted 25 May 2012 - 02:12 AM

Thanks. Makes me feel good to hear that.
"You'll never forgive me? Like I give a damn."
"You got a jacked up notion of fair play pal...and it's beginning to piss me off."
"Though a fight every now and again does make life a little more interesting...dontcha think?"
Posted Image
^ This isn't dead, I swear!
Most of my closest friends have qualities that I despise. But I love them all regardless of their faults.
"Why are we trying to narrow God's mercy? I didn't realize there was a limit to how many people could go to heaven."

This will not be removed until I finish my Sprite Series. Arim and AJ VS The World Started December 19, 2013 (I actually still haven't given up on this! XD)

This will not be removed until The Demon Invasion is finished. Started December 19, 2013 (Hue)

3DS Friend Code 0834 - 1057 - 3616

#16 Echo-279

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Posted 25 May 2012 - 02:21 AM

No problem mate.
Darkness will reclaim what the Light had created.

I will not remove this until i beat Bloody Palace mode in DMC 3.

" Those who survive a long time on the battlefield start to? think they're invincible...I bet you do too, Buddy."

QUOTE (Rujio @ Jun 16 2013, 05:22 PM)
Welcome to FEShrine, where our core members are lurkers and bots.



QUOTE (SmashedFish @ Feb 20 2013, 05:01 AM)
I hate you, Ryoku. Jk. Happy birthday, Ryoku! Hope you have a long and fulfilling year ahead of you.

Quote it



user posted image

#17 Zepher Tensho

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Posted 25 May 2012 - 11:32 PM

I'm sorry, but that blood drinking comment is making it hard to take this post seriously. I mean, who the hell drinks blood to calm themselves? Then you add that it isn't your own. Which means the only place for you to get blood is to hurt/kill someone else or an animal, or rob a hospital, both of which sound horribly gruesom and I HIGHLY doubt you are doing any of that. Not being mean but it sounds almost like you're saying things for the sake of being wierd. Either that or you are going around stabbing living beings, in which case you need to be in hand cuffs and/or a psychiatric ward.
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#18 Axel

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Posted 26 May 2012 - 12:02 AM

This. ^^
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#19 Golden Warrior

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Posted 26 May 2012 - 01:06 AM

Oh, come on guys. People have different habits. They may seem weird at times but it remains that no two people are the same. (I even have weird habits and I bet you do to.)

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#20 Axel

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Posted 26 May 2012 - 01:28 AM

But ****ing drinking blood? I see no reason for you to defend that.
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