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What do you think growing up means?

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#1 Mercurius


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Posted 02 June 2015 - 04:03 AM

It's probably the most universal criticism possible. "Stop being so immature!" Everyone has probably heard or used it before.


But what do you think the accumulation of experiences through life and the stages you are supposed to go through actually are?


It doesn't matter how old you are right now. I'm not old myself (even if I fear getting closer to 30 every single birthday, the beginning of the year, and the end of December, let's not even get started over how crazy I'll be nearing 40) what matters is what observation(intentional or not) has shown you.


I think it's about investment and submission.


It's not about gaining the capacity for empathy, I became less emotionally intelligent the longer I live.


It's not about your preferences, aside from how that relates to submission. I still cannot handle coffee in any form and only eat what I want rather than what I should.


It's not about feeling responsible for your actions, to say that children don't do that already is taking them all and demonizing them (not even dehumanizing them) because of their age.


I don't know why adults are telling kids those things. It's like they were either complete shit as kids themselves or that they weren't ever young.




It's about investment of effort, because you're thrown into an environment where you will be paying for everything yourself, getting the money yourself, fighting to keep your social relevance, not starting what isn't worth it, managing time to suit your needs rather than your desires, living life as someone who is aiming for something far beyond rather than someone that is happy with whatever comes by, and so on.


It's about submission to weakness, because you have to give up what you wanted for what is viable, because the consequences for defiance to social conventions will become that much heavier, because you have to rely on guile rather than strength, because you have to concern yourself with everyone around you even when you're having enough problems just dealing with yourself, etc.


It's that time where you have to be willing to accept that everything around you will change and that you're only an insignificant commodity that will desperately try to achieve whatever it can to continue finding life worth living as you survive another day rather than taking nice things in life for granted.


The apex of all that, of course, is in having children.


Taking all the responsibilities. Spending all those resources. Making sure that they will be as ready as they can be when they will have to deal with what you have to deal with now. And showing how pissed off you are when your child doesn't seem to be living up to being worth the investment, hoping every day that one day it will pay off, yet always needing to be ready to deal with the consequences for when they won't be.

The criticism rings a lot heavier when I realize what exactly they're telling me to become. And that probably isn't even everything coming.

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#2 arimibn


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Posted 02 June 2015 - 04:08 PM

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#3 ^Leo^


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Posted 02 June 2015 - 05:44 PM

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I'll legally be an adult in just a few weeks, and honestly I'm terrified. I know for a fact I'm not ready to be an adult, and more than that I really don't want to grow up. But seeing as that has nothing to do with the OP I'll leave it at that. I agree that becoming what general society labels as "grown up" is...actually I can't think of the right word(counterintuitive?). It doesn't bring much other than more responsibility. I want to say more but I'm not really thinking clearly right this moment, so I'll get back to it later when I get my thoughts back in line

#4 Fujisaki


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Posted 25 June 2015 - 05:37 PM

Oh where to start...
In October, I'll be turning 21.

I guess that growing up means that you're not a kid anymore and that you have to start taking responsibility for your actions or you won't get far in life. ._.
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#5 Fire Blazer

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Posted 26 June 2015 - 10:32 PM

Growing up in general to me means being responsible, yes, and gaining some level of independence and willingness to cooperate with and interact with society in a way that is productive and limits conflicts or confrontations, i.e. growing up means compromising certain things in order to function well as a working adult


but also growing up is a lot more


it means holding back feelings

standing up for yourself

making better decisions or at least taking responsibility for those decisions

it means getting a license

it means becoming 21

it means gaining experience and wisdom


it means something different for different people, not only in terms of what I think growing up is for me but what is growing up from other people's perspectives, i.e. I may feel grown up to some extent and maybe my parents agree but someone else might look at me and not think so, maybe they'll think the fact that I'm not taking classes full-time is a weakness or that game dev isn't a real career and that I've yet to face the facts of life and am not tackling them head-on at full power, or something (granted I would think such an opinion as ignorant, but that's the thing: what it means to be "grown up" is very much an opinion IMO)


I agree with a lot of what you said with your reflection of what it means to "grow up"


I also think growing up isn't something that quite ends... well, I guess you could say it does when you become old, but I think when I'm 25 I'm going to have more knowledge and wisdom than now, same for 30, 35, 40, I might be pretty incorporated into society with a full-time job by 30 and I might say I'm a "grown-up" in that sense but eh, that's only the societal view of things, which perhaps is what you're talking about, but I feel like taking the term literally, it's not very accurate, i.e. I'm constantly growing and changing and learning new things and trying to become a better person, and at the same time I want to keep what's important to me and not feel too restricted or pressured by life; I still want to play video games 10 years from now, maybe even watch anime (probably only a few shows a year, like the best ones, but still), definitely reading One Piece assuming that's still going on... I don't want to give up those things so easily even if they're typically seen as hobbies for younger people, I'm not going to conform to how other people are spending their time or doing things, I'm going to continue to do what I find fun but also compromise and not be a NEET or someone who has failed to take the responsibility that comes with age


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#6 Chastlily



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Posted 22 July 2015 - 02:43 PM

Growing up means to be more responsible, to an extent, but also being rational and tolerant. I'd consider someone who is not easily annoyed as mature. There's a lot more to it than what I wrote but this seems like the most important to me.

#7 Knight of Argentum

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Posted 22 July 2015 - 04:58 PM

Despite my lack of age and experience, I'm firmly located in the area that a rhetorical question such as this is completely subjective and varies by person to person. What is assumed under this question is that growing up is linked to maturity. If maturity were to be synonymous with growing up, than we can safely say many things already stated in this thread. 

#8 Fire Blazer

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Posted 23 July 2015 - 01:44 AM

Despite my lack of age and experience, I'm firmly located in the area that a rhetorical question such as this is completely subjective and varies by person to person. What is assumed under this question is that growing up is linked to maturity. If maturity were to be synonymous with growing up, than we can safely say many things already stated in this thread. 


well, sure


but if we don't discuss things just because they're subjective or whatever, then we'll hardly ever have things to discuss, haha


part of being mature (BRINGIN' IT BACK TO THE POINT OF THIS THREAD) is learning to discuss things that are controversial or sensitive in a calm and controlled manner, with dignity and respect for others, IMO


and yes, part of growing up means maturing, sure, or at the very least... changing and evolving, somehow. I think that much is only natural, you can't avoid change, you can change a lot less or more than the "average" person, but you will change nonetheless , and it's just sort of expected that some of these changes result in society's imposed standard of what it means to be "mature"


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#9 Holy Kensai

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Posted 24 July 2015 - 05:35 AM

Growing up is being mature when you have to be, and immature when you can be. Essentially it's knowing when you have to be.

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Posted 11 April 2016 - 06:39 AM

I think it just means not being a jerk to people and keeping an open mind, being able to be responsible when needed


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