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The LoreKeeper's Tales


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#1 Scrimsax

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Posted 26 January 2013 - 08:14 PM

So, in direct conflict to my "not going to be around much" post... I'm starting a few short stories in my free time. For now, I'll be uploading the "Chapters," though they are far too short to really earn that distinction, one by one, as I have time.

These stories take place in an as-of-yet unnamed world of my own creation, and mainly follow the adventurers of some unique and powerful beings throughout the land. The stories are told from the perspective of the Lorekeeper, who the first story introduces. The main goal here is to improve my writing, and to flesh out my world a little more.

SO without further ado, here is Chapter 1 of The Lorekeeper's Tales.

And of course, constructive criticism is always accepted.

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#2 Lancer

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Posted 26 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I find this interesting. So in the meanwhile, I'll leave a few pointers here just to help clear things out.

", you’re true reasons " -> your true reasons

"seemed oblivious too up to this point. " ->oblivious to

'Makes it easier to go about my life" -> You should add an It before the "Makes it easier" just for grammar sakes.

But yo, I see a lot of potential with this. It's pretty cool yo.

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#3 Scrimsax

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Posted 27 January 2013 - 12:49 AM

Haha yeah, didn't really proof read it tongue.gif

When I have the time, I'll go through and upload an edited version.

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#4 Kuomo

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 05:20 PM

Sounds interesting and it's very well written with lots of details


Other than small grammatical errors, the plot sounds solid (you can't really go wrong with a storyteller or Lorekeeper in your case) and I'm sure you'll be able to deliver exhilarating tales of adventure in your land

I was thrown off a little by this though:
"She was beautiful by any standards. The old man had not felt any stirrings of that type in decades"


ummmmmmm

Other than that, really great and I'll be sure to keep tabs on this as you update!

#5 Scrimsax

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 05:44 PM

Haha I was trying to emphasize that she was beautiful, but the Lorekeeper isn't really capable of that kind of thing anymore. I see what you're saying... I'll correct that in the next draft.

And I considered the Lorekeeper a great vehicle to tell short stories about the myriad people of the world and its workings.

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#6 Snow

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 05:46 PM

I think you should read "The name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss (Might have spelled it wrong). If this plays out like I think it will then it could help you write your story. I want to read more before I tell you if I like it or not because me opinion of things changes very quickly. tongue.gif

P.S. Write faster I want if see if I'm right.
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#7 Kuomo

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

QUOTE (Snow @ Jan 28 2013, 12:46 PM)
I think you should read "The name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss (Might have spelled it wrong). If this plays out like I think it will then it could help you write your story. I want to read more before I tell you if I like it or not because me opinion of things changes very quickly. tongue.gif

P.S. Write faster I want o see if I'm right.



HOLY

THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS

I can definitely see scrim's story being similar biggrin.gif

#8 Scrimsax

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 06:02 PM

Never heard of it, I'll look into it though.

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#9 Snow

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 06:04 PM

QUOTE (Scrimsax @ Jan 28 2013, 01:02 PM)
Never heard of it, I'll look into it though.

Even if it doesn't help you should read it, I liked it a lot but I liked the sequel more. tongue.gif
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#10 Scrimsax

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Posted 31 January 2013 - 05:42 AM

BUMP, edited the first post with a revised chapter 1 and an admittedly rough chapter 2... sorry it didn't have a lot of polish. This chapter goes over the early creation of the world, and then gives some depth to our characters and a little bit of info about the Lorekeepers powers.

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