There might not be too much here, and certainly not one thing after another constantly. When I get the inspiration to write something, though, it'll go here.
To start, here's a poem I wrote a while ago while in a totally different mindset.
'Tis almost complete, but of yet not quite-
A perfect collapse of reason
Not once does sanity have a respite
But instead, fades like the seasons
Past and future, body and soul
Meaningless words without
The force of clear intentions' pull
on the shadowy gray of doubt.
But who has that these days, and less common still:
Who with it would spare it for the common swill?
As I stare down into this God-forsaken crater
And the poor wretches made to live in it,
I look up to the skies, and wonder
if those up there do the same.
Edit: Submitting this to the Scholastic Art & Writing Awards!
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SmashedFish's Writing
Started by SmashedFish, Mar 21 2011 10:52 PM
25 replies to this topic
#1
SmashedFish
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Posted 21 March 2011 - 10:52 PM
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#2
Dath
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Posted 24 March 2011 - 12:24 AM
Not much of a poem lover, except for limerick's, but I liked it.
#3
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Posted 25 March 2011 - 01:08 PM
Thanks. Were there any particular bits you did or didn't like?
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#4
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Posted 25 March 2011 - 07:53 PM
First line reads awkwardly, should it not be "but as of yet not quite-"??
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#5
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Posted 25 March 2011 - 09:23 PM
That would make more sense, true. A few lines seem a bit rushed (at least to me) because I tried to preserve the syllables per measure except at the end. Granted, I realize that that's not always important, but for some reason I wanted to keep it like that when I was writing it.
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#6
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Posted 26 March 2011 - 09:56 PM
The rhyming sort of falls apart in the last verse, the other two verses have a good tempo because of the rhyming, maybe edit the last verse a little
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#7
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Posted 28 March 2011 - 12:38 AM
I didn't feel like rhyming the last one. To me, when the rhyming falls apart, it marks the end of the poem.
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#8
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Posted 01 April 2011 - 06:03 PM
It seems quite out of place I feel.
Forget it and write a new poem, then come back to this one haha
Forget it and write a new poem, then come back to this one haha
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#9
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Posted 09 May 2011 - 04:28 PM
| QUOTE (Seraphinox @ Apr 1 2011, 01:03 PM) |
| It seems quite out of place I feel. Forget it and write a new poem, then come back to this one haha |
Pfft, go away it's perfect.
No it's not but I'm satisfied past the point of messing with it now. I might make a new one soon.
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#10
Fire Blazer
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Posted 09 May 2011 - 07:42 PM
Wow that was pretty beast. I feel outclassed. I can see how it's not perfect (nothing is) but now I understand why I didn't win the poetry contest in my school...
Signature thanks to Shu.
#11
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Posted 10 May 2011 - 03:40 AM
http://www.missmab.c...ics/Vol1210.jpg
Someone showed me this the other day and it applied so much then. It does now too, ty Blazer.
Edit: Derp furry comic. But still.
Someone showed me this the other day and it applied so much then. It does now too, ty Blazer.
Edit: Derp furry comic. But still.
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#12
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Posted 12 May 2011 - 05:25 PM
This was part of a multigenre project on amnesia:
A choice chosen, a decision made
A team gathered, a card played
A search completed, a buyer contacted
A deal created, the records redacted
welcome to the abyss
The plans discovered, the finder surprised
The wrong man informed, evil glee in his eyes
A quest created, a quest to choose
A quest where to win is to lose
the deep abyss
The quest accepted, warnings too late
A poor lost soul, sealed to his fate
All life, all history, see it struck from his mind
See him face all his nightmares combined
welcome to the abyss
welcome to the abyss
the deep abyss
the abyss of yourself
A choice chosen, a decision made
A team gathered, a card played
A search completed, a buyer contacted
A deal created, the records redacted
welcome to the abyss
The plans discovered, the finder surprised
The wrong man informed, evil glee in his eyes
A quest created, a quest to choose
A quest where to win is to lose
the deep abyss
The quest accepted, warnings too late
A poor lost soul, sealed to his fate
All life, all history, see it struck from his mind
See him face all his nightmares combined
welcome to the abyss
welcome to the abyss
the deep abyss
the abyss of yourself
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#13
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Posted 18 May 2012 - 01:22 AM
Reflection (Click Here To Hide/Show Text)
Some look in a mirror to see themselves, whereas others look to see who everyone else sees.
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#14
Rujio
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Posted 14 June 2012 - 04:34 AM
I just went through and read these, and they're really quite good. Not perfect, but to paraphrase a person whose name I don't remember, "a poem is never finished, only abandoned."
Now you're making me wish I could write poetry even more than I usually do. Also, do moar Gray stuff.
Now you're making me wish I could write poetry even more than I usually do. Also, do moar Gray stuff.
?????????
???????There, katakana. Happy?
???????
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#15
SmashedFish
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Posted 28 June 2012 - 03:12 AM
Thanks! It's not all that hard to write poetry, by the way. Just come up with a bunch of convoluted metaphors and string them about a central theme. Polish the result
Regarding Gray, I've been messing with the overarching plot in my head, but some pieces aren't falling into place. The current mess of a story is salvageable, but I need to majorly rethink a few points, and with Immortal Shrine currently ongoing, my attention is directed elsewhere. For now we'll just assume I'm still doing French.
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#16
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Posted 28 June 2012 - 03:21 AM
Yeah, for you. I'm so bad at it. Mostly because I can't come up with the central themes. I feel so self-centered when I try :/ And I've been listening to music with really interesting lyrics lately, so it's bugging me more. Maybe I'll try something from one of my character's perspectives or something.
But I'm not involved with Immortal Shrine! Also, you can totally fix it. My story is originally from 5th grade. And they were all furries. And Flygnyr was the main character. And there was magic. And it started as of probably like what Chapter 20 is. So you can definitely make progress on yours.
?????????
???????There, katakana. Happy?
???????
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#17
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Posted 28 June 2012 - 03:52 AM
The self-centeredness fades after time, I think. Either that or it's normal to me now. :/ Either way, though, it's always worth a shot, so I'd say go ahead and try. I am aparently semi-accomplished at these things so I can give you some feedback and junk. We could just do it in GDocs if needed with that spectator/writer deal.
whelp i feel better now, at least I left mine along that description to die and never meet paper You know what, why don't you just write a story and I'll do the poetic adaptation. Play to strengths or some junk. In seriousness, I am going to end up just clearing off a day or two to spend writing soon.
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#18
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Posted 28 June 2012 - 04:04 AM
Or you just have legitimate things to write about. I don't feel like I do, so I feel like I'm making mountains out of molehills.
Compare my draft 1 prologue to my draft 2 prologue. Draft 1 is way better than the actual draft 1, too. So just practice and you will get way better.
Compare my draft 1 prologue to my draft 2 prologue. Draft 1 is way better than the actual draft 1, too. So just practice and you will get way better.
?????????
???????There, katakana. Happy?
???????
| QUOTE |
| Bobryk -- holy crap I look away for two seconds and I have knots all up in my shit |
#19
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Posted 02 July 2012 - 06:50 AM
Hey so somehow I actually managed to write a poem. I was trying to fall asleep when all of a sudden it was just happening, so we'll see how it came out.
The symbolism is so obvious if you know what I'm talking about. Except I'd be freaked out if you knew what I was talking about.
So am I doing this right?
(Click Here To Hide/Show Text)
The symbolism is so obvious if you know what I'm talking about. Except I'd be freaked out if you knew what I was talking about.
So am I doing this right?
?????????
???????There, katakana. Happy?
???????
| QUOTE |
| Bobryk -- holy crap I look away for two seconds and I have knots all up in my shit |
#20
SmashedFish
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Posted 02 July 2012 - 03:39 PM
Honestly? It's great. The overall piece seems surreal, the metaphors are deep, the repeated lines contribute rather than being there for form, and the final impact you get is strong. I'm not positive on the theme, but I have my guesses. Thus, I personally like it.
As for doing that right, I couldn't say. The lovely thing about poetry is that there exists not a single darned true guideline, and thus the quality of any given poem is usually largely up to personal interpretation, BSing, or both. The quality of your writing, again- unquestionable. Beyond that? _. I'd say yes, for what it's worth.
As for doing that right, I couldn't say. The lovely thing about poetry is that there exists not a single darned true guideline, and thus the quality of any given poem is usually largely up to personal interpretation, BSing, or both. The quality of your writing, again- unquestionable. Beyond that? _. I'd say yes, for what it's worth.
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