Can't really say how good it is since I don't know how much you used from my corrections, (not that I mind) however the right side of the hair is done a bit iffy.
Blue: Iffy part, see original
Green: I'm going to kill you! What did I say about different colors? Use the same border color before I break your bones! (Jk, I hate it when I miss those too >_<)
Whatever you did, you're definetely getting better, so keep it up
As for originality, screw it xD Common sense to get the basics down before attempting something which is to "wow" the masses. I don't know about others but I've stuck mainly to altering the face, usually a pre-made body is adequate. Until you get better at least anyway.
As for unnatural, I think Blood might have been referring to the eye in general, not the eye color, if not then his critique is pretty lacking in description. Either way I disagree, the eye looks fine, and the eye color doesn't look too bad. (Yes it would look better in a different color, but so what?)
And if we're complaining about people with red eyes.... well Nino was green hair go whine at the makers that FE characters are unnatural xD