37 replies to this topic

[bblues]

The big bang was the result of Chuck Norris doing a roundhouse kick at half strength.

[Shu]

Chuck Norris has the best poker face ever. He won the 1983 poker championship with a joker, the 3 of clubs, the 7 of spades, a free get out of jail card from monopoly, and a green 4 from UNO.

[Felover3]

The game Shaq-Fu was going to be called Chuck-Fu, but Chuck Norris could never lose a fight.

[bblues]

Chuck picked up a girl at the bar. Before he took her back to his place, he told Noah to build an ark.

[Sothe]

There is in fact no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris doesn't kill.

A Giraffe is the result of Chuck Norris upper-cutting a horse.

[Felover3]

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.


Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.


Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

[Fire Blazer]

Chuck Norris jokes are the funniest...

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, Chuck Norris would win.

Chuck Norris finishes races before they start.

Chuck Norris sued Chuck E Cheeses-- you should know why.

Chuck Norris browses the internet without a computer.

Chuck Norris doesn't call people on the phone, only other people call him.

Chuck Norris has two Y chromosomes.

Chuck Norris makes Tino look girly.

Chuck Norris hacked FESF 4.

Some people have lists of people... either on their good list or bad list. Chuck Norris only has one list; the kill list.

Darth Vader's father is actually Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris were in Fire Emblem he would have his own allegiance.

The reason why there aren't any Chuck Norris games is because everytime he does a roundhouse kick the game crashes.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave, sometimes his hair is just too scared to come out.

Chuck Norris always wins coin tosses.

Chuck Norris beat the Statue of Liberty in a staring contest.

Sometimes Chuck Norris doesn't walk. He just round-house kicks the air behind him and propels himself forward.

There are 3 major laws of phsyics. 1) Chuck Norris is unaffected by any of the minor laws of physics. 2) Chuck Norris can negate physics by round-housing the surrounding atmosphere. 3) Chuck Norris is always right.

Chuck Norris never went to school. In fact, the story goes, somebody asked him a basic math question. This person said that if Chuck Norris (who was already famous and powerful) got it right, he would never have to go to school. Chuck Norris was in an exceptionally happy mood and answered the question, "what is 1+1 equal to?", stating that it was 0. The man, saying it was incorrect, pissed Chuck off and got kicked so hard that he ended up dying and then going back in time and being revived right before the time he was kicked. The genius Chuck explained the reasoning behind his solution:

We begin with -1 = -1, we rewrite that as -1/1 = 1/-1, and then we square-root both sides so that, since a/b squared equals a squared over b squared, we obtain i/1 = 1/i (where i is the square-root of -1). But then multiplying both sides by i would yield i squared = 1, or -1 = 1, whence 1 + 1 = 0.

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I'll think up of more later. Most of those are original except a few which I have heard from other people (only 2-3). :/ I suck at it but oh well.

[Shu]

Chuck Norris dosent read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

[Felover3]

The reason the Myians believe the world will end in 2012 is because that is the year Chuck Norris deems humans unworthy to live.


Chuck Norris can escape a black hole.

Chuck Norris vs. Duke Nukem on MUGEN will make it crash.

[Sothe]

I don't see why Tino is so manly...

[bblues]

You know the universe is always expanding? That's because it went one on one with Chuck Norris.

[Shu]

The only hand that can beat a Royal Flush is Chuck Norris's hand.

[Fire Blazer]

Chuck Norris can make zombies die.

[Shu]

Chuck Norris asked for a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.

[Fire Blazer]

Chuck Norris asked for a Whopper at McDonalds and got one. He also got a Baconador on the side, the waiter claiming "it's better than fast food".

[bblues]

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

[Sothe]

Has this one been done yet? I don't have time to read the whole topic.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

[Fire Blazer]

... Hey Vegeta, what's the scouter say about his powerlevel?

IT'S OVER 9 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

WHAT 9 BILLION